you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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