yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
