Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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