u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
