well you can't waste a boner
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
