You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
