Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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