What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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