Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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