does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
