time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
