it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
