you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've blown a few things in my day
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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