ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
