No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
