It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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