She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
