if i can run in heels then i can drive
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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