Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
