she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
