dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
