Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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