Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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