Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
