i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
