It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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