I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
