Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Who died my cat blue again?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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