I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
