What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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