Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
