I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
