your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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