I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
