U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
