So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize