Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
