dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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