I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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