We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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