I am puke
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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