a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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