she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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