better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
