Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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