just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
