Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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