Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
