bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
