i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
