Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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