No more Irish car bombs ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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