whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
