Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
