just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's not a walk of shame if you run
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
