He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i now understand why vodka
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
