i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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