I got chris browned last night
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
