I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
