i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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