if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
