He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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