she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
