Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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