first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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