You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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