you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
