you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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