How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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