I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
