If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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