So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
