We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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