Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just blew my weed a kiss
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
