your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
