I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize