I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
