Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize