dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
