I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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