My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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