Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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