We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
