Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
