I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
