I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize