WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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